Change of attitude

I know ... it's nearly a miracle at the number of posts recently. I bid my husband good-bye this morning at 3:15, after we crashed to sleep around 2:45. He boarded a plane and called me from Atlanta around 8:20, and should be in Guatemala as I type. I was happy for him to go, and know he is excited to have the chance to be on this trip. As we packed and repacked his things, I felt this sense of loneliness, as if I were saying good-bye for ever, not just the 10 days he'll be away from us. I guess each time we part ways I should treat it as if it could be the last. Each hug and kiss, each "I love you", each wave from the front door should communicate my love for him. Anyway, I did not do a great job of getting up to help him, but he was pretty much ready when we laid down for a quick nap. I hope he had a chance to nap on the plane or on the ride to their destination this afternoon, as I was lucky enough to sleep until 7:30, snooze until 8:15, and cuddle my girls until 9:30.

I have been dreading this trip in some ways, as it means that I am the only adult that will be here for the 10 days he is gone ... no grown up conversations, no intervention in discipline situations, no one to share a movie with ... However, my outlook today is one of pleasing promise. I have 10 days to share just with my girls -- no getting "shown up" by daddy and his cool tents and games. I have 10 days of no dirty underwear/socks gathering on the floor, and can get the laundry caught up again -- just a week ago I was bragging of this to my mother in law ... it is not so at the moment, though gaining! I have 10 days to establish a new routine of picking up, 10 days to teach Erin some new letters, 10 days to help Avery say some new words, 10 days to pack some random stuff into boxes that make sense (or throw away junk we don't need!) ... 10 days. There are 10 days of time to spend in prayer for my husband ... to grow my love affair with my Lord ... to show love, tenderness, mercy, and grace to my girls ... to worship ... to breathe in His presence. 10 days.

I can tell some of you have been praying for me ... this peace is not from within me, it is beyond my understanding. THANK YOU for lifting me before the Father ... for lifting my girls in His presence ... for offering to help ... for being my family. I feel you, and am blessed by your faithfulness and belief in the One who holds each second in His hand, and cherishes each of us in it.

Temporary Loss of Sanity?

Well, I write to you on the day before David departs for Guatemala (aka Gualamala, according to Erin, where her daddy will be picking bananas off the trees to bring back to her each day) for 10 days, helping build a roof on a home, and other various jobs in the San Lucas Toliman area. I have to say I am very excited for him to be able to go, yet lament that the girls and I will be here. Because of recent behavior issues (Erin's most recent dip into disobedience/independence), it almost scares me to be the only adult in our house for those days, so we will be taking trips to both Grandma's houses during that time. Also, with things unsure about the house, I may be using some of that time to pack/do bigger cooking to prepare for a move. Erin's excited to play with Natalie at Grandma R's and see the new calves at Grandpa G's place!

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I may be off the radar for nearly a fortnight (which, I guess isn't really that abnormal, but with the recent burst of posting, I felt the need to say something), but, shall return, hopefully with my sanity and both children fully intact! Well, my eldest in "sneakily" turning on the light in the hallway to get my attention, and my youngest just started crying, so I'd better investigate! Love to you!

You know me ...

I feel I need to apologize for my blog entry on the heat-related instances in our home ... my husband just chastized me for not writing often enough, so that my entries would not be so long ... but I fear that they might be just as long, as I am long of wind ... so with that, I apologize for taking up so much of your time, and thank you for enduring and perservering to the end of my entries!

PoI

Other points of interest ...

if you can't see our pictures on the David or Sarah Rahija blogs, our webhost is acting up ...

we put another offer on the condo today (really a revised offer, that isn't really much different, it just uses less closing costs, and we increased our monthly payment by about $7.) According the the listing agent, they have another offer, which was less than ours, and we were a little confused, but we think he was either epecting another (new) offer this evening also, or a revised offer from the other party. I hope that we are not, once again, being used as a bargaining chip. If so, though, we know that this is not The One, and God would have us wait for our "needle" ...

Avery went to sleep on her own tonight, as I sat by her crib, with few tears, and no rocking! We read a story two times, "Bugs at Play", which she really enjoyed, and had lots of hugs and kisses. She though it was funny that I sat on the floor and she could reach through the bars and touch my face. She learned to identify and say "eye" tonight (poor Abby, those blinky eyes may never feel the same again!). She also has been "cruising" quite a bit, especially enjoying coffee tables as her guide ...

Erin made her own newspaper today, complete with lots of details, a picture, and even a decent layout! All we need is a "spell check" installed into her orange marker, and she'll be ready for the world of journalism. She also wrote most of the numbers on a desk calendar in Ron's makeshift office today. Our favorites were 15 and 16, written 51 and 61 ...

David worked from home today, which was wonderful! It was nice to just have him here, even though he spent most of his day in the office. He stepped in to help with the girls every once in a while, and we all took a walk together after 5, which was very refreshing, if a little chilly ...

Okay, that's it, just wanted to share a few thoughts from today!

Char-cro-waved

Recently, we have had a series of exciting events revolving around heat in our house. Before you get nervous, this is not a recount of our "personal time", but life in general at Rahija Central ...

I guess the first event was Thanksgiving, which, I realize was a long time ago, but as I was cooking potatoes for our feast at the Riggs' home, I turned on the wrong burner, and set fire to an innocent hotpad, that was waiting on the "wrong burner". When I realized the blunder, I quickly removed the smoking hotpad to the sink. On the downward spiral toward the stainless steel sink, the potholder burst into flame, leaving a trail of black smoke and black "flakies". Needless to say, it went out with style.

More recently, Erin had a little run-in with fire, starting with Avery's diaper .... It was a normal evening, and Avery had just been cleaned up from her "daily deposite" which was especially fragrant. Erin was complaining, and as I had a candle burning in my room, she was reminded of on of the purposes of candles, and asked if she could have a candle in her room. I was a bit hesitant, but told her if she would leave the votive on the shelf in her room, then I would allow her to have the candle in her room for a while. She agreed, and we had a brief recount of how fire is dangerous. I lit the votive, placed it on the shelf, and left. A few minutes later (less than 5), she ran to the office, where David and I were looking at some real estate listings on line. Breathless, she communicated to us that there was something burning in her room. With a bit of sarcasm, I asked her if it was the candle. She vigorously shook her head, and commented that it was fire, it was on the floor, and it was scaring her. I ran down the hall toward her room, where I could see, through the slat of the door, flames flickering merrily on the carpet. This hastened my steps even more, and I sailed into action. Now, ordinarily, in any room in any house this would be a bad situation, BUT, in Erin's room, in our house, it is disasterous. For those of you who have seen Erin's abode, you can attest to it's general state (paper bits, toys, clothing, crayons, markers, stickers, bedding, books, .... can all be found on the floor), which also heightened the intensity of this event. I found a small area in flames, grabbed the nearest thing I could find to smother/beat out the flame, which was, to my dismay, my favorite little girl dress, cream with pink flowers. Well, we extinguished the blaze, and tried to pick out the truth of what happened in those >5 minutes. To the best of our understanding, this is Erin's rendition ... "Well, I was wanting to watch the candle, so I climbed up on my bed and got it off the shelf and put it on my drawers by my bed. Then, I was tired of it, and wanted to get it out, and I thought it would be good to pour water on it, so I got some, but then I got scared that the fire would get on me if I poured water on it, so I got a wetwipe, and tried to get it out, but suddenly, it got on fire, and I was scared, but I needed to take it to the sink in the bathroom, so I started going there. Then the fires got too much, and I was going to get burned, so I had to drop it, and that's why it's on the floor." We were thankful for many things, mainly, that she was not hurt, Avery was not hurt, and that our house did not burn to the ground. We were proud that Erin came to get us, and tell us when there was an emergency, not hide in the closet, which would have been very easy. A wetwipe-shaped burn mark on the carpet is better, by far, than one on an arm, leg, or tummy! We are so thankful everyone was safe (except the very cute dress, which did not survive the incident).

Okay, the most recent event did not involve actual flames, but intense scorching via heat. Let me start by saying the smell of burned ... no, CHARRED ... microwave popcorn is a haunting, invasive stench ... better, I'm sure than the smell of charred flesh, but still, very distasteful. Yesterday, Erin was a little hungry, and I guess right after I went upstairs to get dressed for the day, decided to make a snack of microwave popcorn. Erin LOVES popcorn, not merely for the flavor, but the entire process ... unwrapping the bag, placing it on the turntable, closing the door, and watching it puff up as the tiny seeds burst into a fluffy, buttery snack. Having watched and partially participated in this ritual many times, she felt confident enough to try it solo. During this time, I am trying to figure out what to wear, upstairs, trying to locate my glasses, and got distracted with something in my room, and I suddenly smell the buttery scent of popcorn. I remember thinking to myself that the popcorn from last night would not have lingered into the morning, especially with that "hot buttery" smell. I felt the familiar prickle of "something's wrong with this picture", and hurried to the stairs, where I hollered down to Erin, asking her what she was doing. The ALL too familiar "Nothing!" greeted me, followed by a cloud of black smoke. I sprinted down the remaining stairs, and yelled for Erin to get out of the kitched, and I think I was also screaming for her to tell me what she did. I feared she had tried to make popcorn on the stove or in the oven, but rounded the corner into the kitchen to find black smoke pouring from the microwave. I yanked open the door, and slammed it shut again, as the smoke detectors chimed in, adding to the general din of our happy little gathering in the kitchen. After making sure the popcorn was not actually afire, I grabbed a cookie sheet, and started fanning the smoke detector, hoping to squelch one of the noise sources. Logic soon grabbed me by the nose (which was filled with smoke), and I quickly opened the front and back doors. I also realized that the smoke was stinging my eyes and burning my lungs, so I took both girls, who were also making much noise, and took them up to their room, opened their window, and closed their door. When once again trying to pluck the truth of the situation from my four year old, I was met with her logic and independence, which I fear, may one day cost our family dearly. She informed me, that she was simply hungry for a little snack of popcorn, so she got a chair, grabbed a package of popcorn from the top of the fridge, moved her chair to the microwave, tore off the plastic, laid the bag down in the microwave, shut the door, and looked at the numbers on the keypad. She found the number "5", and since she likes that number, she pushed it, and "What do you know, the microwave started turning!". After a while, she noticed a whisp of smoke coming from the microwave, so, she took in as big of a breath as she could, and blew with all her might, so to put out the fire (which, of course, is the source of smoke!). She did this for quite a while, I guess, for I remember hearing her puffing when I came into the kitchen. She was worried, but didn't think it was necessary to call me or let me know what was going on-- "I had everything under control, Mom." Sooo, now we have a stinky house (although it is much better today, thanks to yesterday's vacuuming, and last night Febreeze attacks), and a little girl who keeps complaining about the smell of our house. Anyone wanna come over?!

Thus ends (we pray) the tale of heat-inspired adventures of the 4 Rahijas.

....the Erinism of the day

So, it's been a while since we've had a fun Erinism, and while today's fun phrase was spoken correctly, I am a bit unsure of her intended meaning. While getting ready for church last week, I called Erin into the bathroom to brush her hair and asked her to brush her teeth. She hates doing both, but she reluctantly came in and let me brush her hair. She was "admiring herself" afterwards, and I continued getting ready. She suddenly got on the floor, where I had the next pile of laundry slated to hit the washer waiting. She lays down on it, and squirms around, adjusting, and getting comfortable. I asked what she was doing, and she didn't really respond, except for a cheesy grin, and more adjusting. I let it sit a minute, and then asked her to go brush her teeth. She looked up with the same cheesy grin and said, "No mommy, I'm in here marinating with you." I was confused, and asked what she meant. She said, "You know, marinating! I'm marinating with you!" Still confused I repeated the tooth brushing request, and stood her up out of the dirty laundry, and helped her out the door.

I can only assume she meant she wanted to spend meaningful or quality time with me. I thought it was pretty cute.

Another Go

Just an update on the housing/lack of housing situation ... we put an offer on a condo today, on Jana Drive, in Lawrence. This is our 3rd or 4th attempt. God has protected us and closed the doors on those deals ... and David was able to accept his new job. It's a bit more than we'd hoped, but a very nice place, and we think it will be a great place for us, as we complete the transition into Lawrence life. We think Ron, our realtor, is getting tired of us, as we've been at this since November! We feel he knows us pretty well, and is getting to know Dad and Mom Rahija pretty well too -- he even met Grandma Looney this week! We've been so blessed by his help - we can actually hold a conversation with others about real estate issues now, and not feel completely lost, and can look through a house fairly quickly, knowing what we are looking for/needing. This condo is in the same home owners association as our friends Matt and Dena Broderick (Dena's the president), so we would already know some neighbors, too! Please keep us in prayer as we wait for God's perfect timing and plan, not ours! Thanks!

A Fresh Look

Okay, with all the stress of our life lately, Erin has been acting out a bit, and one of her latest stunts involved scissors. She was at her art center/easel and suddenly became enraged because her hair was getting in her face as she was making "L"s. Rather than bother anyone else, Erin took matters into her own hands, literally, as a pair of purple safety scissors became her venting tool. Yep, she took care of the problem, hacking away, over the trash can. I found her this way, as we were heading out the door to Lawrence. Maybe she tried to reinvent the mullet, but in my opinion, that venture was unsuccessful. We made an emergency appointment at Z's Cosomotology School, and it was a fun trip. Erin was dressed very cute, in her new brown boots (Aunt Michelle), a pink sweater (garage sale find), and her new brown hat (Aunt Krista, from a trip to France). All the girls were making a fuss over how cute Erin looked, until suddenly Erin tore the hat from her head, and the stunning hair do plus static rendered the crowd speechless. They slowly and silently started back to ward their individual stations, and the "lucky" student cutter still stood shocked and silent. The instructor came over to help the student in her selection, and was also stunned. They looked to me for some answers and I shared the story, and they looked to me again and asked what I wanted them to do. I told them I didn't really care about the style, I just wanted them to fix it. They said they'd try their best, but there were a few things that would just have to grow a bit before they could do much to help. I said it was fine, and that we'd just work with what was there. Kayla did a nice job, and Erin did look cute upon leaving. The only problem is, that when we don't "fix" it, she looks a bit boyish, unless she's wearing really girly clothing, so I'm trying to watch that (a man called her "buddy" last week - she didn't know what he was implying, but I did).

Anyway, it was kind of funny, and in the midst of all the other stuff going on here, it was just "one more thing" to add to our daily drama. I took some pics of Erin post-safety scissor cut and post Z's cut, when she and I had a "salon day" at home, including some fantabulous Aloha Pink lipgloss and other bold items. We did each others' hair and makeup - I'm mostly decked out with My Little Pony accessories :) Enjoy our pics!

getting to know you, getting to know all about you

I hate that tune, and now it will be stuck in my head for the evening ... oh well. My friend Kylie P sent this to me, and although I don't usually fill these out, I am feeding Avery, and don't have anything else to do, so ...

Welcome to the new edition of getting to know your friends (and
family). Okay here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame
and spoil the fun! Just copy (do not forward) this entire e-mail and
paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so
that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you
know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you. Some of you may get
this several times that means you have lots of friends.

1. What is your occupation? mommy, wife, Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant

2. What color are your socks right now? white with gray toes/heels (yes, boring today)

3. What are you listening to right now? You've Stollen My Heart (that's my guess, anyway, from the repeats in the chorus, its on 88.5)

4. What was the last thing that you ate? a little snack of apple coffee cake, mmm

5. Can you drive a stick shift? If I HAD to, I could get down the road in one, like if I was being chased by a herd of stampeding elephants, or a psycho killer or something.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I always choose green, but I also like deep purple, and also macaroni and cheese (just because it's a fun name!)

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? David, for our "post-lunch phone call date"

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yes! We were in a Bible study together for a while, and she is very fun!

9. How old are you today? 28 ... no comments about the looming new decade, please!

10. Favorite drinks: Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, juice, lemon-berry slushes at Sonic

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? college basketball, college football

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? highlights, but not currently

13. Pets? just my kids

14. Favorite food? depends on my mood ... mashed potatoes, chicken and noodles, tollhouse pan cookies, cheese cake, brownies, oatmeal raisin cookies, enchiladas, ... I have lots of favorites

15. What was the last movie you watched? Well, The Great Mouse Detective, this morning, but David and I got through most of A New World last night -- haven't seen the ending yet

16. Favorite holiday? Christmas

17. What do you do to vent anger? I cry, I yell/stomp a bit sometimes, I bottle it all deep down inside, and occassionally use lots of sarcasm

18. What were your favorite toys as a kid? my dolls, roller skates, books, an old tape recorder

19. What is your favorite Fall or Spring? spring ... new life, new start, fresh air, open windows, ... need I go on?!?!

20. Hugs or kisses? hugs: friends, my girls; kisses: my husband :)

21. Cherry or Blueberry? cherry

22. Do you want your friends to send this back? only if they want to

23. Who is most likely to respond? I hate this question

24. Who is least likely to respond? Do I care? Not really :)

25. Living arrangements? renting a townhome/duplex ... desperately hoping to change that to owning a home soon!!!

26. When was the last time you cried? Um, I think about two days ago

27. What is on the floor of your closet? what isn't there?! Actually, there is a clothes basket containing lots of shoes David never wears, and tubs of the girls' clothing that is too small for Erin, and too big for Avery

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending
this to? Well, I don't know who will actually read this that has been my friend the longest, so I am going to say Valerie P, who used to be Valerie L, who has been my friend since kindergarten :)

29. What did you do last night? We went to Phat Thursday, had some good chats, but the kids were getting cranky, so we left at 8ish. We put Erin to bed soon after arriving, watched part of a movie with my husband, pu tAvery down during the movie, which was unsuccessful, so she stayed with me until we decided to go to bed, Erin came in at 2am, went back to bed with her ... Avery was up at 3am, Erin was up at 5, Avery 5:30, and David's alarms started going off at 6am, so it wasn't so restful for me ... I guess that was mostly morning :(

30. What's your favorite smell? rain, fresh cut grass, David when he wears cologne, my kids after a bath, "dryer" in the air, coffee, coconut lime verbena candles/soap

31. If you were stranded on a desert island, how would you go about
getting off? pray ... hard

32. What's your favorite kind of game to play? I LOVE games! board games, card games, word games, ... I like Catch Phrase, Cranium, Pictionary, Scrabble, Pinochle, Solitare, Monopoly, Mad Gab, Tabu, Scene It, ...

33. Carmel, Chocolate, or cinnamon? Chocolate most days, but the others are good, and really good all mixed together!

34. Say something about the person who sent this to you: Kylie ... you're so fun to laugh with and visit with ... congrats on your job!

35. Do you wear earrings? Typically, no, I have "virgin lobes", however, today, I had a smashing set of stick-on earrings attached to my lobes. I also had an amazing hair arrangement and lipstick application, thanks to Erin at Queso Pula Apple.

House Hunt

We are still house hunting, for anyone who is curious ... we have switched gears from looking at the mid-century, 3 bedroom with a basement ranch, and have branched into townhomes/condos. We are trying to be patient, and listen for God's guidance. It is hard -- Life's waiting room is never fun, but it is educational, I guess! Our realtor, Ron, has been so great, and helpful during this time. We really appreciate him!

As so much is up in the air right now, I'd like to ask for your prayers, as we wait on His perfect timing ... He knows how things will end up, and that is enough (we just have to remind ourselves of that from time to time!). Thanks, and have a great weekend!

Carpe Diem!

A few of you have emailed me to ask if David is alright ... he is, apparently. We are currently working with a neurologist and David is going through lots of tests to see if we can find out why he had a seizure-esque moment on Christmas Day. He hates it that I call it that, but I don't know what else to call it! We've had an EEG, and some prelim. lab work drawn ... next week are a few more ... So, the long and short of it is that we know nothing new, and that he continues to feel fine, and I think embarrassed that I am making him go through this "battery". We just take each day as it comes!

Fun Times, Beautiful Memories

The past two weeks have been full of fun memories ... Christmas celebration at Great Grandma and Grandpa Boeck's with the extended family ... Christmas celebration at Grandma and Grandpa Gerstenkorn's with Aunt Desiree ... baking Christmas cookies with Erin (something I wonder how my mother ever survived doing it all those years!), wrapping gifts with and without Erin (definitely quicker without, however, slightly less creative!) ... shopping with and without the kids ... Christmas celebration in Tulsa with Grandma and Grandpa Rahija at Aunt Krista's with Uncle John and Aunt Michelle and cousin Natalie ... helping Gary with some new gloves for Christmas ... Christmas Eve service at The Gathering ... preparation for Santa ... filling stockings with the adults ... David passing out and having a possible seizure before the kids woke (and the kids sleeping through it!) ... the kids opening their presents on Christmas morning ... Erin (aka Jessica) taking Aunt Michelle (aka Sarah) and Aunt Krista (Sheniqua) "shopping" at 'Queso Pula Apple' in their new fashions ... Erin opening her easel from us here at home ... the painting that ensued the following day ... watching movies curled up together under blankets ... so many fun things (David's episode was not so much fun, but did get the adrenaline flowing!), so many memories ... knowing of the sorrows of many this Christmas season, I am so thankful that we were able to spend quality time with those we love. As I watched Erin participate in the service on Christmas Eve, I saw the wonder of the Event that changed the course of time through fresh eyes, once again. She scooted her chair up to the one in front of it, so that her knees were on the seat of the one in front, and her chin rested on it's backrest. Both eyes took in the videos shown, and she listened fairly well, despite the distractions around her. She sang with beautiful intention of worship during Hark the Herald Angels Sing and Angels We Have Heard on High, and seemed to take in His essense during Silent Night. And, although she nearly caught me on fire a few times with her own candle, even having that seemed like an act of worship to her. It was beautiful ... "little Mary" was seeing the Messiah again, and through her eyes, I saw Him too, in His humble, glorious, splendor.

... and His name is Jesus!

This ended a hushed, excitement-filled moment for my eldest daughter. She was able to participate as "little Mary" for dress-rehearsal for the Bethlehem Experience at Grandma and Grandpa's church. Last year, we tok her through Bethlehem, and had to drag her from the stable while she screamed, "That's the wrong song! Silent Night is nice, but this is about Away in A Manger!".

This year, she was "in" it, surrounded, engulfed, invested. Why am I so slow to "get" these things?? As we celebrate the birth of Jesus, and anticipate His second coming, I need to remember to be "in" it ... immersing myself in His kingdom, His word, His love, and calling others to join me, "in" it, through relationship, example, being.

It will be a long time before I forget those dancing eyes, the whispered exultation, and the simple words of a 4 year old ... "Mother, I have been to Bethlehem! I have seen the Messiah, and His name is Jesus!" Does it get any more real than that?! Joy to you and your family as you continue on your journey. Read this, and remember the awe of the story.

Santa Case

This is something happening in Lawrence ... a 22 yr old KU student is giving of himself to make some Christmas wishes come true ... and he's sparked the whole community to join him! Check out this article and browse through the posts on Larryville.

How can you give today... tomorrow ... next April, ...?

Wish Lists

Well, on the heels of the last post, I feel kind of icky posting this right now. However, I don't know how much time I'll have to get this up through out the rest of the week, so here are some "wish list" ideas for the Rahija children (as requested by grandparents and other family members).

Updates on things that are "off" the list are marked with *** or red text

Erin:
Easel ***
magnetic board (like bulletin board,to display her art) ***
Leapster games
rechargable batteries (AA) for her leapster
CDs (children's worship songs)
Movies:

• Cars
• Over the Hedge
• Cinderella
• Ice Age 2
• Care Bears
• Dora the Explorer
  

Veggie Tales:

• Where's God When I'm Scared ***
• God Wants Me to Forgive Them?
• Esther: The Girl Who Became Queen ***
• any of the Larryboy movies
• Sheerluck Holmes
• Gideon: Tuba Warrior

Bed for dollies
Crown ***
Clothes: size 6 and up
Shoes: Size 12 and up
Hats - for play and regular wear
Digital camera - cheapo or old one just for her to enjoy ***
Ponies
Baby doll clothes


Avery:
dolly ***
toys
Baby Einstein movies
clothes: 9 months +

Thanksgiving thoughts

As we prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, I am reminded of several things to be thankful for ... my family, my health, the roof over my head, the new roof that will be over my head after Christmas (if everything goes according to plan!), ... Mostly, and most importantly, I am thankful for the faithfulness, love, and guidance of my God. This year has been full of changes, and He has brought us to each of them, and through each of them. Avery joined our family in March, healthy as can be. She is happy and loving, and has not taken after her sister in most ways (which is a BIG blessing to me!). She is her own person, and we love it! The baby that didn't join our family is cradled in heaven's arms now, and that is a blessing too - who could ask for more? Our marriage turned 5 this year, and that is a blessing too - we are still surviving and still love each other! Erin turned 4, which brought some trial, but not anything that has killed us yet. David's Bronco has finally been totalled, and now salvaged with a title transfer to Shane, and we are a 1-vehicle family for now. God is good, all the time ... He has gifted us, protected us, guided us, provided for us, and been faithful to His promises. I'm sure David will post about this latest display of God's divine timing soon, as we are preparing close on our first home! I hope you enjoy your time of thankful reflecting this year, as you recall how God has blessed your life, even if it didn't seem like it at the time :)

Thank you, Father, for your constant love, that never fades or changes. Thank You, for Your faithfulness to your word, that you will always provide for us, have our best interest in mind, and will never leave us or forsake us. Thank You, for the gift of Your Son, that You gave in my place, so that I would know Your love and live with You forever. Thank You for the gift of forgiveness, and allowing us to come into Your presence to ask for it. We deserve nothing but pain and strife, yet You give us life abundantly! I love You, Lord.

Long time, no blog

Well, I realized today that the last post I had posted was like 2-3 weeks ago, and quite "down" in nature. I don't really have anything particularly exciting to post today ... we are going to look at a house for the 2nd time on Thursday (which, by the way, I love this house ... it has an adorable kitchen, three bedrooms upstairs, and unfinished basement with a 2nd bath downstairs ... a great backyard ... a little shed/possible playhouse in the backyard ... a great garage with built in storage cabinets ... two-wide driveway ... and lots of charm ... did I mention I really fell for the place?). When we looked the first time, we were very interested, but our realtor friend, Ron, told us there had been an offer placed on the house a few days later, and the contract was pending. I called to check the status of that house, and Ron told me that it was still pending, but he'd let me know if anything changed. The next day, he called to tell me that 5 minutes after walking into his office, the listing agent of that house called to tell him that the buyer was getting "flaky" and might back out on the contract. This is why we are going to take a second look ... if we like it and the buyer does "flake", then we can be ready to put in a back up offer. I don't really know much about this whole process, but we're learning!

Avery is growing in size and ability lately ... she can sit up by herself from an almost flat position (just needs a tad of an incline to sit right up -- abs of steel!), she's trying to talk, and her smiles are more precious than ever.

Erin is growing too, and is often mistaken for a 5 or 6 year old. Her vocab is also growing. The latest "big" word is perservere. The other day she came up to me all excited and said, "Mom, I just finished cleaning up my closet. It was hard and I wanted to quit, but I kept working at it and I perservered! It's pretty clean now!" Yep, that's our Erin!

We've had some really neat relationship growing time within our "congregation" lately. It excites me to see that growth happening! We have also started working with the homeless/transient community in Lawrence, which has been a blessing to me. I feel like, in general, God is asking/putting opportunities in front of me that are way beyond my comfort zone/ability/skill set and giving me blind courage and ability in those situations that are blowing me away ... for example, building relationships with several of the transient/homeless individuals (I look forward to going under the bridge to check for Mark or Kevin, and I strain to hear Kimberly's morracas when we take sandwiches and coffee out on Saturday nights ... walking up to the door of near strangers to invite them to dinner at the ministry center ... hanging out with some people who are not who I would typically seek as friends ...). In words, it doesn't seem like much, but in real life, it has been a stretch, but one that I don't see until after it has happened, if that makes any sense. Maybe I am just learning to follow the leading of His Spirit without so much question, and letting Him be my strength in my weakness.

Well, that's about it. Avery spit up on me after eating a wee bit too much and I would really like to take a shower. This afternoon, I think we will go over to Erin's friend James' house, so the kids can play and the mommies can visit for a while. Enjoy this cold, blustery day!

Rain

Thanks to David's boss, we had tickets to see Phil Wickham, Audio Adrenaline, and MercyMe in concert! David and I, plus my sister Desiree and our friend Mary went and had a great time. The concert was fun, with lots of energy, great music, fun lights, and streamers/confetti, ...

However, my favorite parts were the "spoken" words shared by Bart from MercyMe. He talked about how we, as the church, often forget the important things, and how we exclude people, forget to be reverant toward God, and how our only purpose in life is to worship Him with our life (not just our singing, but with each action and posture of our day). He shared that last year while touring, many of the band members lost close friends/relatives and how hard it was to keep going, but because of their ministry and desire to further the Kingdom, they kept their schedule. Some people, trying to be sympathetic or encouraging, asked them how they could keep worshipping God with all of the bad things happening, and it struck a chord with them, that if we got what we deserved, we would all be in a huge world of hurt, but that because of God's grace, mercy, and love, we are sheltered and cared for, even in the midst of pain. They felt that as we are so pursued and loved by God, the only response we can offer IS worship, and if it takes heartache and pain to bring us to the point of glorifying Him, then "bring the rain".

As it has rained here all day (and on us as we briskly walked several blocks from our parking garage to the auditorium) I kind of began reflecting on the past few years of life, especially regarding this recent miscarriage. When we lost our baby in Feb of 2005, it was devastating, but we were carried amazingly and beyond our understanding by God's peace and comfort. I remember crying and thinking, what better could I want for my baby, than to be cradled in the arms of the Father, forever, surrounded by perfect Love? I know now, that even though that baby never warmed my arms, that God used her for His glory. This baby is different ... I am not devastated, I am at peace, if a little puzzled. We were not asking for a baby or planning for one so soon. I am not sure what the purpose is in this, but I know who does, and I am okay with that. However, as I sat through Bart's remarks tonight, and listened to the song, I did have tears, and rejoiced, that even though the rain has seemed to pour at times, that God offers His hand, and a rain coat (I think mine is bright yellow and comes with a hat and boots), and waits for us to realize that the rain is not washing us away, but washing us, turn our faces to Him to drink in His holiness, splash in the pools of His grace, and in the end, warm up in the dry safety of His love, showering Him with praise, adoration, reverence, and worship. This is not to say that life is cheerful like a rainy day in a yellow slicker, but we have the opportunity to respond to life in a way that reflects His light, even if we have to wade through the muck of "life", and praise Him all the more for bringing us through it. This is all just jumbling around in my head right now, but I wanted to share it, because it is fresh in my heart. Here's to yellow boots, mud pits, and the rain.

The fun just keeps on coming ...

Well, as my last post stated, we have had a crazy past month, and in the words of my friend Rachel, the fun just kept on coming. Right after publishing my last post (Saturday evening), the medicine kicked in, and by midnight, I thought we had completed that little chapter of life. I was, however wrong. Monday night, David had to take me to the ER in Olathe around 11:30, due to excessive and fast loss of blood. Dunley came to stay with the girls, which was a big relief that we didn't have to cart them to the ER with us! We arrived, and Dr. Peck had let the ER folks know what was going on, and they were ready for us. He was even on stand by incase I needed a D&C. Thankfully, though, I didn't have to have a D&C to finish things, they took care of it in the ER, gave me a liter of fluid, and dismissed me. I had great care from the ER staff at Olathe Medical Center, listened to a few exciting and interesting "cases" on some late night Court TV shows, and we arrived home around 2:30 am.

David stayed home from work on Tuesday to help me with the girls and allow me to rest (I should say, he took care of the girls except when I had to nurse Avery). He also was a WONDERFUL husband and sorted all the laundry and spent a large majority of the day washing, drying, hanging, folding, AND putting it away. I helped some with this, but not much. He cleaned the bathroom, as well, and was a great help to me all day. This trend continued all week, as he kept laundry going in the evenings (I don't know how to describe the amount of dirty laundry we had piled up around here, but "mountain" seems applicable, and I think the pre-sorting pile was taller than Erin, but shorter than David). THANK YOU, HONEY! I am feeling much better at the end of the week. I still feel weak sometimes, and I haven't been able to do much at a time without being out of breath or light headed, but that has gained each day. I am so thankful for my family and my health - my follow up appointment with Dr. Peck was fine!

On a slightly humorous note, Dr. Peck's parting remarks to me on Friday were, "Sarah, we love you and your family (both girls are favorites with the nurses, and Dr. Peck seems to get a big kick out of Avery's animal noises), but I think it would be best for you and your body if we didn't see you for a year, when you need to come in for your annual exam. In fact, we usually recommend at least 18 months between pregnancies." I responded, "I would recommend at least 36!"I thought it was a pretty funny ending to this experience. I love my OB!

Roller Coaster -- the past three weeks

Well, this is not a blog I want to compose, but I am anyway ... The last three weeks have been what some might call an emotional roller coaster. We have experienced the range of emotion, from shock to excitement to worry to disappointment.

Three weeks ago, after feeling icky for the past month, someone suggested I take a pregnancy test. I refused at first, (Avery is only 6 months old for goodness sake!), but after reevaluating the symptoms I was having, I gave in and got a test. Upon taking it, the flaming blue line that appeared before I could even set the test back on the counter confirmed that, indeed, we would be adding a third child to our brood. Well, tears followed, but not out of immediate joy and jubilation, but out of fear. How would we support another baby (we still have a few outstanding bills from Avery!), where would be put another baby, how would we transport another baby (the Bronco had been rear-ended two days previously)???

I called to make an appointment with Dr. Peck (the most amazing OB/GYN EVER!), and made an embarrased request for an OB appointment. I was also concerned because Avery is still breastfedand I didn't know how safe that was for everyone involved. One of the nurses called me back and told me it was fine to keep nursing, just add 500 calories to my daily diet.

October 5th, I purchased a cheap crib from someone in Lawrence, to help us with the bedding shortage in the girls' room.

October 6th, we went to Dr. Peck's for our appointment. We found a lot of new staff, but several familiar faces. I did the routine pee-in-a-cup, and we waited for our turn. My vitals were fine, and I was starting to get excited because I know he does a sonogram at the first OB appointment to make sure everything is going well. It wasn't. He could not locate a baby in the gestational sac, so he asked us to make a new appointment for the following week.

The week between the two appointments was really hard, as I felt really sick each day. The girls were not getting fair mommy time, and I felt horrible about it. We went to the appointment on Thursday afternoon, and the sonogram revealed no growth, just a blighted ovum, which means (to my understanding) that the egg was fertilized, but didn't get beyond that.

We are now waiting for the miscarriage to be complete, as I took 4 pills this morning to instigate the process. I took them at 10am and it is now 6:30 pm, and I haven't even started anything. I have, however, been taking Tylenol 3s, and they are making me dizzyish and woozy, which is not the most exciting thing. I also have had a headache all day. The girls are with grandma and grandpa Rahija, I'm sure having a ball, so it has been nice and quiet here last evening and today. I have had lots of rest, so that is good too. I just hate waiting on things!

As far as emotions/reactions go, we are surprisingly at peace. It was weird being in the same room as we were when we heard this news about a year and a half ago, and it brought up lots of memories. However, at that time, we were hoping and trying for a baby, while now it completely surprised us -- we were NOT ready for another baby, although we would have loved it just the same. I don't know why these things happen, and I don't question God's timing, I just know that His ways are higher than mine. We are thankful for our family and friends who have and continue to support us. We are thankful for our girls, who, last night before grandpa and grandma came to pick them up, joined us in a family prayer time, where we all cried (Avery, simply because she was hungry). I tried to explain to Erin, that my tummy got confused and thought that there was a baby growing in there, but there wasn't, and mommy had to take this medicine so she could get back to being mommy again, instead of tired, grumpy mommy. She cried because she didn't want me to hurt, and was scared. That's why mommy cried :) What a sweet spirit this girl has!

I am also thankful for my husband, who has been with me all day, bringing me juice, grilled cheese sandwiches, warming the covers with a hairdryer because my feet were freezing, and just being here for me. I am so blessed! Thank you, God!